got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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