I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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