If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
