so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
