May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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