Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
