My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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