4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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