We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
