Got a toothbrush?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
