5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
