Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
