When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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