my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
