She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
