sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
