I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
