just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
