so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
