apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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