Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
