Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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