So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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