first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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