watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish you could order shots online.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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