she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
