did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
