he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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