the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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