I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
