i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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