This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
then he tried to convert me to islam
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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