I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
