You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
