So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
