Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
