Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
