talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
