Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
