Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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