Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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