I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
