my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
