sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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