why didn't you poke me back
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
