great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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