perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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