the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
