I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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