the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
