just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
